Never try to out stubborn a cat

That Stupid Marching Band AU Thing

This is that stupid Hetalia marching band AU thing that I keep talking about on FF.N-- you know, the one that will almost certainly never actually get written? So instead you just get the Facebook conversation about it? And if you're not a band kid it will almost certainly make No Friggin' Sense to you? In the interest of full disclosure, Kamryn (Cameron Kennedy) and Marie (scrambled-eggs-at-midnight) both play trombone, I, Emily, am on French horn, and Cheyenne is not in band, because she is a LOSER. She is in Orchestra, though, because she's a HUGE loser
Emily's original Facebook Status: Does anyone else have this weird THING with needing to figure out what instrument any given character would play in band?

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Never try to out stubborn a cat

[Fic] Sonata Opus 106 Hammerklavier Must Die

Title: Sonata 106 Hammerklavier Must Die

Author: were_we_really

Rating/Warnings: PG

Pairing(s): Spain/Austria

Prompt: Encouragement before a piano concert in front of a large/important audience.

Notes: Beethoven's piano sonata No. 29, also known as Sonata 106 Hammerklavier, is generally agreed to be, in musical terms, Really Freakin' Hard. Here are some Youtube videos.

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Never try to out stubborn a cat

[Fic] A Time to Play

Fandom: Hetalia

Character(s)/Pairing(s): Austria, Hungary

Genre(s): Friendship, pre-romance if you want.

Summary: While the world falls in little pieces, Austria and Hungary share a quiet moment with the piano.

Notes: I am lucky I don't have a flist to spam as I continue to get all this crap on here. Other than that, no notes, really, just a fic that's way more Chibitalia-canon-y than historical-canon-y.

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Never try to out stubborn a cat

[Fic] I Couldn't Love You More

Fandom: Death Note

Character(s)/Pairing(s): Matt/Mello, Near, Roger

Summary: Ten songs, a Matt/Mello ficlet for each song.

Notes: Also known as "Emily Tries to Get Her Stories All Collected On LJ." These are some things I wrote a billion years ago for my sister. There's no continuity between any of them. Some of the songs come from putting my iPod on shuffle; some were suggested by my sister. Many are available for free download on the artists' websites. I think all can be found on YouTube. The title is a line from the Cure's song

"The End of the World," which does not appear on this list but which
would, now that I think about it, fit right in.

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Never try to out stubborn a cat

A Late Summer Day's Meme

I was going to write a whole bunch of stuff at band camp, and then it turned out that the plotbunnies flowed, but I had to spend all my free time sleeping because I was just. so. tired. Then when I got home, my old friend Writer's Block showed up with a suitcase and that pathetic smile you just can't say no to. So instead of fic with plot, you get this meme I found on ghostofthemotif's journal:

Name 10 characters before you read the prompts. Then, write a fic of 100 words or less for each prompt.

I... kind of ignored the "100 words or less" rule. The prompts are at the bottom of the page.

The Characters:

1. War (Good Omens)

2. Wednesday (American Gods)

3. Claude Frollo (The Hunchback of Notre-Dame) (Bookverse, because as much as I love the movie I love the book so much more.)

4. Liechtenstein (Hetalia)

5. Yusuf (Inception)

6. Ariadne (Inception)

7. Misa Amane (Death Note)

8. Rose DeWitt Bukater (Titanic)

9. America (Hetalia)

10. Biff (Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal)

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The prompts:

First time, 4 and 6

Angst, 7

AU, 1 and 8

Threesome, 3, 6, and 9

Hurt/Comfort, 5 and 10

Crack, 1

Horror, 10

Baby!fic, 5 and 9

Dark, 2 and 8

Romance, 4 and 7

Deathfic, 2 and 3

Now get writing, Internets!
down with this sort of thing

A Tale of Perfect Teenaged Love

The woman beams. The woman glows—she literally glows. "You're perfect for each other! Now, go live happily ever after!"    And then—

they're alone.

She looks at the man she's destined to spend the rest of forever with, the man who will only ever love her for all eternity. He looks agitated. He looks like he might say something angry. Mostly, he looks inhumanly beautiful.

"Um... what just happened?" she asks.

A scowl on his face. It's perfect.  "I can't tell you."

"Why not?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"We just met five minutes ago. How would you know what I can understand?"

"You wouldn't understand."

She accepts his proclamation and judgment, as she is fated to accept all he says. For, as she is beginning to know, he is perfect, and perfection is never wrong.

i don't step on ants

Death to Ants! Except They're Unkillable

 Our kitchen is infested with ants. Not tiny ants you can get rid of with a little poison. Not friendly A Bug's Life ants. Big, mean, scary ants. Remember those ants from the fourth Indiana Jones movie? If those ants saw our ants, they'd run screaming (they'd spontaneously develop vocal cords, okay?) for their ant mamas. Then they'd abruptly stop screaming on account of they got stepped on by ants.

 Our ants are called carpenter ants, and there's a reason for that. Carpenter ants are not all that unusual in places where there's lots of wood. They like to eat people food, like cereal, candy, fruit, and small children. (Wait, Swift was joking? Oops.)  Is it really surprising that they showed up in a place where we store all our food, all our cabinetry and furniture (including the refrigerator. What's up with that?) is made of wood, we have hardwood floors, and there's a sliding glass door that opens onto a deck made of— go on, guess what it's made of— wood?

 (I'm starting to think whoever planned our house out didn't really think things through.)

 My mother'll kill any ant she sees—Marie, too, if she's not feeling particularly squeamish and/or lazy and she didn’t watch A Bug's Life recently. My father stomps them with extreme prejudice. Who cares if he's barefoot? The squishing they make in his toes reminds him of their well-deserved pain!

 That's half the people in our house. Olivia and Sean have this thing where We can't kill them! They don't know any better! Ants have families! Let's put them outside! Yeah, well, the ants with families who don't know any better are infesting our house. They've given up all right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of my cookies. These ants have proven that if we put them outside, they'll just come back in, back for our precious cereal (you know, that we keep in our wooden cupboards. That the carpenter ants can chew through. WTF, House Designer People?) I say it's time we start punishing their crimes and using the punished as examples. I'd do it myself, but I have this fundamental aversion to getting near anything icky.

 Too bad the ants don't know that. A scene that actually happened:

ME: *gets a bowl of fruit out of the refrigerator; starts heading upstairs*

MY MOTHER: Don't bring that in your room.

ME: Why not?

MY MOTHER: You'll drop it and it'll stain your carpet.

ME: Nonsense. I'm always careful.

MY MOTHER: Or you'll leave the bowl on your desk.

ME: I will not.

MY MOTHER: Just eat down here....

ME: *stops paying attention because, out of the corner of my eye, I see something moving in my bangs*

MY MOTHER: Why are you shaking your head around like that?




THE ANT: *scurries into hiding; awaits its next victim*

ME: *takes my fruit upstairs, away from the ants*

 And that's not even an unusual occurrence. We have to examine food before we eat it. Cereal is sifted through; orange juice is either carried with one at all times or strained after being left alone for a few minutes; each strawberry has its leaves looked under. Once, I picked up a cookie and didn't see the ants until after I had bitten it. I don't think I slept that night. Needless to say, we threw that batch out. We did the same with all the taffy the other day. Not a big deal for me, since I don't like taffy, but Sean pitched a fit, and when Sean pitches a fit, everybody gets to hear it. I found one crawling on the inside of the microwave door after the microwave beeped (I looked through the tea in there very carefully.) You guys, I'm just not ready for indestructible radioactive ants.

  I'm about thiiis close to waging actual warfare. I'll purchase poison and traps. To heck with people who complain about getting their feet caught or nearly dying because they can't tell sugar from borax. If poison and traps don't work, then I'll train my cats to kill all crawly things on sight (not that they will. Cats are notoriously hard to train, and ours are kind of stupid anyway. Willow, for example, is confused by the existence of such things as meat and fish, and is even more confused as to why her owners staff would put them in her food bowl when they could be putting in, y'know, actual food. AJ routinely falls off furniture.) If When my cats prove useless allies in the war against the Buggers Formics, I'll pinch one of the parents' credit cards and hire an exterminator. When the ants eat the exterminator, I'll adapt a tactic the ancient Greeks are rumored to have used on enemy ships: I'll train a giant magnifying glass on our house.

Never try to out stubborn a cat

Ways to Amuse Yourself on an Airplane

  • Try to remember the names of the Seven Dwarves.
  • Sing the “Ninety-Nine Bottles of Beer on the Wall” song.
  • Make a list of ways to amuse yourself on an airplane.
  • Come up with elaborate threats for the kid behind you who won’t stop kicking your seat.
  • Threaten the kid behind you who won’t stop kicking your seat with said elaborate threats.
  • Hide in the bathroom until his irate mother agrees to not kill you in exchange for letting her get in there so she can have a smoke.
  • Read War and Peace. Repeat.
  • If the person next to you is a Republican, try to convince him that the GOP is evil. If he’s a Democrat, rant about how liberals are destroying the nation.
  • Write a novel and offer to sell it to fellow passengers. Trust us, they’re bored enough to read anything.
  • Earn an online degree in accounting.
  • Make a hand puppet out of your barf bag (but only if you haven’t used it.)
  • Sing a song of sixpence… at the top of your lungs.
  • When your seatmate falls asleep, go through her carry-on luggage.
  • Memorize this list.
  • Learn to forge the President’s signature.
  • Explain to the Secret Service agent across the hall from you that your reasons for forging the President’s signature are completely innocent, no you’re not a terrorist or identity thief where would anyone get that idea please don’t arrest me.
  • Chop vegetables up really small. Mix in a little mayonnaise.  Hide them in an unused barf bag.  Loudly pretend to barf into said barf bag. Conspicuously eat your vegetables.
  • Count the pieces of gum on the floor.
  • Wander up to the cockpit and ask “Are we there yet?” every few minutes.
  • Try to remember the names of all 50 states.
  • After you remember the names of all the states, try to remember the names of all the state capitals.
  • If you’re sitting next to someone who speaks another language, teach each other your respective languages.
  • If you have any leftover elaborate threats, use them on the little girl who’s singlehandedly performing High School Musical. Nonstop. Over and over and over and over and over again. Please make her shut up.
  • Plot to take over the world.
  • Train your in-flight meal to play fetch.
  • Teach a nearby 8-year-old some swear words.
  • Hijack the plane and make the pilot fly it to its original destination.
  • Learn to throw your voice. Make the pilot think there’s an invisible person in the cockpit.
  • Look out the window and watch the seasons change.
  • Ask the high school marching band (there’s one on every flight) to perform its school theme song.
  • Read the SkyMall catalogue.
  • Order every item with an odd serial number. If one of the even number items is just so cool and totally necessary, like that life-sized model of Artoo Detoo (you know the one) then you can order that in addition to the odd ones.
  • After reading said catalog, make paper airplanes out of it. Throw them.
  • Go online and actually steal the President’s identity because, well, you just maxed out your credit cards with the SkyMall catalogue and the Treasurer probably won’t notice if another trillion dollars goes missing from the federal budget.
  • Play chess with your computer. Lose. Repeat.
  • If all else fails, you could always sleep.
  • Despite the fact that it’s physiologically impossible to do so, manage to die of boredom.